I’m kinda over writing about superhero movies, honestly what more is there to say about recent entries in the genre? Another good but not great Captain America. Another bad but not terrible X-Man. At first I was going to review the new Ghostbusters but the sexists ruined that plan for me, my lazy jokes (bit hard to cross the streams when you only have four women) would have got lost in the shitpit that is the internet. Then I was going to write about the new Star Trek movie (lead actor Chris Pine’s acting range seems to be akin to his timber namesake) but then I found out that Malcolm McDowell received actual death threats for portraying a character who killed Captain Kirk, and so decided not to kick the Trekkies. Seriously.
So Suicide Squad was the most logical choice. If it was good (it isn’t) I get to not waste $20 and DC gets its first good movie since The Dark Knight. If it was bad (it is)… well it’s been a few months since I have pissed in the coffee of DC fanatics.
Just as a sidenote, before you send me any angry emails telling me that I’m wrong or that I’m a Marvel fanboy, let me just say; I don’t care. Honestly enough of this Marvel vs DC war; both Disney and Warner Bros see you as nothing more than money with a heartbeat. I’m sorry that your Superman action figure spent more time with you as a kid than your parents, but only immature twats would get involved in an ‘us and them’ argument. Immature twats such as Suicide Squad’s director David Ayer.
Ayer’s immaturity isn’t just restricted to his antics at premieres however, with it on display in the film’s pacing and overall lack of restraint. In the opening ten minutes we are introduced to all of the main characters via montage. Included in this montage is a short bio, a rundown on their abilities and their fatal flaw. Oh and they also throw in The Flash, Batman and The Joker for good measure. This inorganic approach to exposition reminds me of a child trying to mix bright colours together and being left with only brown with which to paint.
All of this could have been saved if the plot was worth a damn. How’s this for a plot; A bunch of criminally insane psychopaths are used by the US government to complete deniable black operations that result in the deaths of many civilians, however in doing so they save many more. The line constantly shifts with one of the psychopaths (The Joker) taking it waaaay too far. This classic trolley problem ethics situation is unacceptable to Batman, who forms the Justice League in response. Not a bad structure to hang a movie on right? Unfortunately it wasn’t what we got. Instead supervillains are unleashed upon a poor CGI monster and his horde of zombies where they learn to team up and take it down with the power of friendship. As fucking absurd as that sounds, that’s actually the movie’s plot.
Jared Leto’s approach to the Joker is one of a psychotic mobster, and it is perhaps too early to judge him as his role in this film seems little more than an extended cameo. I am interested to see what he is like in the solo Batman film. – Mind you now that Batman kills without hesitation it will probably consist of the joker getting his head crushed in the first act, and Bruce going all Howard Hughes for the next 90 mins around Wayne manor.
Throughout the entire screening of Suicide Squad there were two teenage girls seated nearby chatting loudly. Usually I would have told them to be quiet as they were ruining the movie, in this instance however the director had beaten them to it.